No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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