DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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