I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
