is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
