I puked a lego.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
