I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
