I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
