Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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