I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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