Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I AM VODKA MAN
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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