this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
