Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
