I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
