are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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