It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
