Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
