FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
