There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You took a bar mat shot.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
