tell your sister to shave her snatch
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
