im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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