It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
