he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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