I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
