If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
