i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
