Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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