You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She even gives head with a lisp.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
