We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
