Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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