I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
