i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
