If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
