im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
