did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Found the puke drawer
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The power of my boobs compel you
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
