I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
