I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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