One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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