Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
