sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
