i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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