I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
