I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
