Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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