i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
