How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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