i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
