What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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