True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I am available for nakedness
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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