Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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