The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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