I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
