Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
