census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
